I have been listening deeply to Gabor Maté’s work.
After attending a recent workshop with him, my understanding of trauma truly cemented.

For many years I have explored my own family’s intergenerational patterns — with the intention of healing myself, and therefore my children and grandchildren.

Because what we don’t heal, we pass on.

Gabor says trauma is the sum total of what we could not control as children.
Our biology becomes shaped around beliefs — especially the unconscious ones.

Trauma is not only the event — painful as that may have been.
It is what happened inside us when we were left alone with emotional responses too overwhelming to process.

Not feeling loved. 
Not feeling wanted.
Not feeling heard.
Not feeling safe.  

And much of it happens unconsciously.

These patterns can show up years later as anxiety, autoimmune illness, chronic stress, behavioural challenges — or simply as relational triggers we don’t fully understand.

When we look for a life partner, we are often drawn — almost magnetically — to what feels familiar. Sometimes we are unconsciously seeking to complete what was missing. It can feel as though we sign up for a lifetime of learning from those we love most.

So I ask myself honestly:

Is early trauma still influencing my life?
Perhaps not consciously.  I have done the work.
But at a heart level?    Am I still triggered?

Yes.  Perhaps this is why I write and have studied the art of communication.  

And this is when generational healing becomes hopeful.

If I soften to treat myself better.
If I regulate my nervous system with enquiry
If I become aware of my patterns rather than ruled by them.

My children will experience something different.  Their children may carry less of what I carried.

At the heart of trauma is disconnection.

Disconnection from our bodies.
From one another.
From meaningful work.
From land, rhythm, and belonging.

When I imagine a truly healthy life community, I see not just better systems, I see reconnection.

It is not a utopian dream by an over stimulated imagination.
It is a return to what our nervous systems were designed for.

Connection.
Safety.
Purpose.
Belonging.

And perhaps generational healing doesn’t begin with grand solutions.   Perhaps it begins quietly with one person choosing awareness over reaction.

And that choice ripples forward.